Hey guys, this is going to be a bit of a lengthy post so I a..

Hey guys, this is going to be a bit of a lengthy post so I apologize in advance. As you probably noticed, the livestream for this evening is no longer showing on the schedule. I feel awful cancelling so last minute, I've been preparing for this stream all day and had lots of treats (I plan on saving) but I'm honestly not feeling myself. I've been trying to hype myself up but instead I've completely psyched myself out. When I stream on here, I like to be in my best mood so I can put on a show, but honestly this last week as been really emotionally daunting. I'd like to tell you a date & time for a rescheduled stream but I feel the best I can do at the moment is just keep y'all updated. I'm sure some of you have noticed that I haven't been as active this past week. Coming back "home" to Florida brought up a lot of relationship issues I've been able to avoid on the road. For the most part I am a pretty content person being to myself, and I think that's one of the reasons I enjoy travelling so much. For the most part it's easy to write off people not caring as I'm, "out of site out of mind." But I do tend to take my relationships with people very seriously and am hurt when I feel like my feelings are not taken into concern. Soooo super long story short, I have been on the road nearing a year a way from family. I have made points to try to see people, talk to people regularly, and things just haven't been reciprocated. In fact, certain close family members I haven't even spoken to since I left. There's been many times on the road where I've gone through emotional ruts feeling extremely lonely and not cared about because of these relationships. When deciding I was coming back to Florida, I made it obvious to my family and friends I would be in town but not one family member has contacted me yet. Yes, I could reach out again, but I've been sort of just emotionally shut down and honestly a little salty. This morning, my best friend texted me informing my sister was in town and invited me over to a game night & dinner at her house hours away from where I'm staying. I had no clue my sister was coming in town from California and felt pretty hurt by the plans being made without me and being invited so last minute. There was no consideration of how I would make it with my camper and dog and I'm not sure if I'll even be able to find camping. Meanwhile, my sister had plans to stay at my best friends house when she could have stayed with me or even just called to let me know she was coming. It's hard to try to be at the same place at the same time as people travelling. I feel like if you care to make a relationship work, you show effort. I've been beating myself up about this stuff and I hope you guys can understand <3 I know a lot of people have been feeling ignored in the DM's and I want you guys to know that's not intentional. I unfortunately shut down when I'm sad, and I've felt like I need to get things off my chest so I can chat with you guys again and try to start feeling like myself. On the road you guys have helped me through a lot of tough spots and that doesn't go unnoticed. Tonight I'll be in my DM's catching up with you guys, cheering myself up, and just trying to focus on talking with people who seem to actually give a shit :)